That is totally different from my observation. I talked to my family and friends too, not all of them are pro-government Chinese citizens, but they all think war is acceptable if it comes to the stage when reunification by force is necessary. The general trend that I see is that the general populace is more pro-government, more left-leaning? (if by left you mean paying more attention to equality on a societal scale), and less patient with Taiwan's status of de-facto independence. This phenomenon, I think, is driven by the coming of age of the more confident younger generations who, generally, have the above characteristics. I just don't understand why "sometime down the road people will be ready to let go".
What is more confusing is your correlation between shifting to "civic nationalism" and "Taiwanese seen as fundamentally un-Chinese". Why would that be the case??? In what way will Chinese think of Taiwanese as un-Chinese. They write Chinese characters as we do, they speak mandarin just as we do, they even hold some old-school Chinese traditions that mainland Chinese regard as superstitions. If Chinese people are insistent on Hong Kong and Macau being of Chinese sovereignty, why wouldn't Taiwan be? HK people speak Cantonese, are completely brainwashed by western ideology, and write some f.cked-up version, joking :>, of Chinese character because Cantonese is just so different from Mandarin.
Even if we look at the Chinese government's official stance on Taiwan issue, China, just in recent years, passed a law outlawing the independence of Taiwan, giving the government explicit legal right and responsibility to reunify China (specifically Taiwan). The constitution requires reunification, even the currently pushed narrative- the great rejuvenation of China, is officially in tandem with the reunification of Taiwan.
If you listen to a popular podcast on bilibili, two frequent guests/hosts of the podcast are working in some sort of intelligence agencies of China, and they almost explicitly hinted that there is a deadline for reunification, and that deadline wasn't moved forward or later even with the current situation in Ukraine.
So, for both the Chinese populace and Chinese government, I can only see a trajectory towards not away from reunification of Taiwan, by force or not.