I can't really be mad at the people you described in your family because I guarantee you that people like that exist and live among many Chinese families, especially in the West (not surprisingly), but also within mainland China itself.The reason for this is a lack of interest in history and sometimes a deliberate, self-imposed amnesia about the traumas that the Chinese people and China have experienced throughout their modern (PRC) existence - I am referring to people that have left mainland China living in the west. This is due to the pain and shame, which result in a lack of confidence in Chinese culture and identity.Despite China's rapid ascent—which many Chinese people overlook the incredible fact that this rise is unprecedented in modern history—there are persistent fears and concerns about the fragility of these gains, worrying that they could easily be taken away by Western powers. Some of us will even blame the government itself and the very system that many Chinese have benefited from as the main cause of the struggle in the first place.
Some will lament that if only China would agree to the U.S. demands, it would never have come to this. If only the CCP did not exist, all of these issues wouldn't be this acute. If only China gave up its illusion of taking Taiwan back, it wouldn't be experiencing this dilemma.
Having said that, I can't just blindly blame the folks who harbor such views and label them as nothing but self-hating sellouts. In my view, this reaction is part of human nature—the need to survive out of pure self-interest. Not to mention, it's the most basic reaction when we are confronted with danger: to either fight or flee.Most people aren't wedded to an ideology, especially when they have already mentally and physically resigned themselves to another country and culture for decades.
A decision that was never taken lightly or made on a whim. Let's not forget that today's China isn't the China of 20 years ago. Heck, in the China of the 1980s, the most readily available mode of transportation was a bicycle!