I mean, scientifically the solution is pretty obvious: for certain countries, if China truly want to improve relations with them, China simply also need butcher thousands of their people. The social-historic reality is, a lot of cultures really do believe the strong has the right to abuse the weak, and they really do believe lack of abuse means lack of strength and as such give them the right to abuse, you really can't project egalitarian beliefs onto everyone.
e.g. if China actually wants to have friendly relations with Japan, China really do have to nuke them, it's literally why the majority of Japaneses believe they didn't lose WW2 to China. If China wants better relations with countries like India or Phillipines, China really do need to colonize them (I know it sounds awful), or simply bomb and butcher them, it really is what they want.
The idea that everyone believes in equality is fundamentally wrong. There really are two kind of cultures in the world: those who believe everyone is equal, that everyone are born the same and deserve the same (egalitarian cultures), and those who believe people are not equal and that it's the right of the better to take from the lesser (primitive cultures).
IMO it's a common and easy mistake for egalitarian cultures to make by assuming everyone else are equals and as such also egalitarian. Egalitarian beliefs really need to be adjusted to take into account objective cultural realities of primitive cultures:
You should only consider those who believe in equality as equals, for those who don't, you really need to treat them like s*, because they will love you if you do and treat you like s* if you don't. If this goes against your egalatarian beliefs, just remember that you're only respecting their culture by treating them like s*, to treat them as equals would be imposing your belief on them and that would be the actual abuse in their eyes.
At an individual level we know there are masocists, that a lot of people do seek to be dominated and abused, it's the exact same at national/cultural level and the way it evolved are exactly the same. We really need to accept objective scientific facts.
Cultural masochists do not make up any significant portion of a population regardless of country.
People generally don't like you if you're mean to them.
The pattern you're observing is less about abuse (although it does play an important role in reinforcing the psychology at play) but more about wealth and other signals of superiority.
At some point in history China was clearly regarded as a higher civilisation compared to its tributary states similar to western civilisation to the majority of the world in the 20th century and persists still.
People place enormous importance and value to beauty. Make your cities beautiful, make your people beautiful which you can achieve through fashion and indoctrination by bombarding and normalising your image as the archetype of every positive association. Make your military strength the greatest and have more wealth. That is the secret sauce, not abuse.
All these things signify superiority and those who consider a culture and civilisation as superior will naturally feel more okay about being abused by that culture/civilisation. That's whats at play when it comes to Philippines and many other places. No one wins hearts or approval by being an ass.
China lost a lot of that edge a long time ago. It has been rebuilding it.
The west have more beautiful cities and more appealing culture. Arguably better looking people too even if for nothing more than because their image (and especially image of their most attractive ones) are so ubiquitous globally. Imagine if some east asian nation has had the strongest military for over 100 years and demonstrably so. Has had the images of all their best looking people bombarding every screen for 200 years and their specific physical traits normalised globally. Have the best infrastructure and most beautiful and livable cities. Then every other group naturally considers that country the greatest and defaults their culture to be superior. Mistreatment from that country is reinforcing the superiority. That's how all humans work including westerners and east asians.
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