broadsword
Brigadier
I dunno. A co-worker emailed to me, so I "forwarded" here. Definitely nothing to do with MH370.
Funny article thread
- Thread starter KYli
- Start date
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I dunno. A co-worker emailed to me, so I "forwarded" here. Definitely nothing to do with MH370.
Miragedriver
Brigadier
Some Socialist/Christina jokes from Argentina, I think they translated well:
Question: “When the final phase of socialism is implemented, will there still be thefts and pilfering?”
Answer: “No, because everything will be already pilfered during socialism.”
Question: “What is the most permanent feature of our socialist economy?”
Answer: “Temporary shortages.”
Question: “What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and Argentina?” Both guarantee freedom of speech.”
Answer: “Yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.”
Question: “What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?”
Answer: “Capitalist trade means everything is to be sold. Socialist trade means everything is to be bought.”
Question: “When the final phase of socialism is implemented, will there still be thefts and pilfering?”
Answer: “No, because everything will be already pilfered during socialism.”
Question: “What is the most permanent feature of our socialist economy?”
Answer: “Temporary shortages.”
Question: “What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and Argentina?” Both guarantee freedom of speech.”
Answer: “Yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.”
Question: “What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?”
Answer: “Capitalist trade means everything is to be sold. Socialist trade means everything is to be bought.”
broadsword
Brigadier
It is a dig at Quantas for their rude service just like some jokes and snipes at America airlines as well.
broadsword
Brigadier
Argentina was one of the richest countries in the world before WWII, that was what I read when I was young. Even now, the crime rate is one of the lowest in South America, if not the lowest. Much lower than neighboring Brazil. And despite being big beef consumers, diseases associated with it do no seem higher than elsewhere. I'm vexed that it has not enjoyed the kind of prosperity that a similar agricultural country like Australia has.
TerraN_EmpirE
Tyrant King
I am borrowing this from a friend.
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
- “House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa”. “Pencil”, however, is masculine: “el lápiz.”
A student asked what gender is ‘computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computadora”), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (“el computador”), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
- “House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa”. “Pencil”, however, is masculine: “el lápiz.”
A student asked what gender is ‘computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computadora”), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (“el computador”), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
broadsword
Brigadier
Timeless Truths
No harm to read it again.
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.
John Adams
If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of government. But then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
Winston Churchill
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavours to live at the expense of everybody else.
Frederic Bastiat, French economist (1801-1850)
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
P.J. O'Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
Voltaire (1764)
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
Pericles (430 B.C.)
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
Mark Twain (1866)
Talk is cheap...except when government does it.
Anonymous
The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
Ronald Reagan
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain
There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save government.
Mark Twain
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
Thomas Jefferson
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Aesop
No harm to read it again.
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.
John Adams
If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of government. But then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
Winston Churchill
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavours to live at the expense of everybody else.
Frederic Bastiat, French economist (1801-1850)
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
P.J. O'Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
Voltaire (1764)
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
Pericles (430 B.C.)
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
Mark Twain (1866)
Talk is cheap...except when government does it.
Anonymous
The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
Ronald Reagan
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain
There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save government.
Mark Twain
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
Thomas Jefferson
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Aesop
broadsword
Brigadier
Marriage or Relationship
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him
And never say it's not quite as good as his mother's
....then adopt a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour,
For as long and wherever you want ...
then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote,
doesn't care about football,
and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
..then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores
..then adopt a dog !
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do,
doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old,
who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to,
and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ...
..then adopt a dog.
BUT,
On the other hand,
If you want someone
who will never come when you call,
ignores you totally when you come home,
leaves hair all over the place,
walks all over you,
runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep,
and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness then...
.
.
...adopt a cat!
You thought I was gonna say... Marry a man, didn't you?
You...
....have a GREAT Day!!!
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him
And never say it's not quite as good as his mother's
....then adopt a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour,
For as long and wherever you want ...
then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote,
doesn't care about football,
and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
..then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores
..then adopt a dog !
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do,
doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old,
who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to,
and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ...
..then adopt a dog.
BUT,
On the other hand,
If you want someone
who will never come when you call,
ignores you totally when you come home,
leaves hair all over the place,
walks all over you,
runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep,
and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness then...
.
.
...adopt a cat!
You thought I was gonna say... Marry a man, didn't you?
You...
....have a GREAT Day!!!
broadsword
Brigadier
- Status