Funny Stuff Thread.... to loosen your day

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broadsword

Brigadier
How True! Chinese Philosophy





沒錢的時候,養豬;
有錢的時候,養狗。
When without money, keep pigs;
When have money, keep dogs.

沒錢的時候,在家裡吃野菜;
有錢的時候,在酒店吃野菜。
When without money, eat wild vege at home ;
When have money, eat same wild vege in fine restaurant.



沒錢的時候,在馬路上騎自行車;
有錢的時候,在客廳裡騎自行車。
When without money, ride bicycle;
When have money, ride exercise machine.


沒錢的時候,想結婚;
有錢的時候,想離婚。
When without money, wish to get married;
When have money, wish to get divorced.


沒錢的時候,老婆兼秘書;
有錢的時候,秘書兼老婆。
When without money, wife becomes secretary;
When have money, secretary becomes wife.


沒錢的時候,假裝有錢;
有錢的時候,假裝沒錢。
When without money, act like rich man;
When with money, act like poor man.
人 啊,都不講實話:
Man, O Man, never tells the truth:

說股票是毒品,都在玩;
說金錢是罪惡,都在撈;
Says sharemarket is bad but keeps speculating;
Says money is evil but keeps accumulating.


說美女是禍水,都想要;
說高處不勝寒,都在爬;
Says women are trouble-makers but keeps desiring them;
Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them.

說煙酒傷身體,就不戒;
說天堂最美好,都不去!!!
Says smoking & drinking is bad but keeps partaking;
Says heaven is good but refused to go.


過去把第一次留給丈夫;
現在把第一胎留給丈夫。
In the past, woman gives man their virginity;
Now, woman gives man their newborn baby


鄉下早晨雞叫人,
城裡晚上人叫雞;
In the rural area, chicken calls man awake;
In the cities, man calls for chickens.
舊社會戲子賣藝不賣身,
新社會演員賣身不賣藝。
In the past, famous actresses will not sell their bodies;
Now, actresses will sell their bodies to become famous



人生是什麼?
What is life about?

1 歲時出場亮相
At one, YOU are the top priority
10 歲時功課至上
At ten, academic excellence is the top priority
20 歲時春心盪漾
At twenty, getting laid is the top priority
30 歲時職場對抗
At thirty, a good career is top priority
40 歲時身材發胖
At forty, keeping your body in shape is top priority
50 歲時打打麻將
At fifty, beating others at mahjong is top priority
60 歲時老當益壯
At sixty, keeping IT up is top priority
70 歲 時 常常 健忘
At seventy, remembering something is top priority
80 歲時搖搖晃晃
At eighty, moving around is top priority
90 歲時迷失方向
At ninety, knowing directions is top priority
100 歲時掛在牆上
At 100, having your portrait on the wall is top priority!
 

broadsword

Brigadier
The Alphabet Wife: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K



After being married for many years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're an Alphabet wife .. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What the heck does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fabulous, Gorgeous, and Hot".

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

[The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving another part of his anatomy ! ].
 

broadsword

Brigadier
Whether Conservative, Liberal or Labor , I think you'll get a kick out of this!


A little boy goes to his
dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let
me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the
family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the
administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.


We are here to take care
of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will
consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother,
we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and
see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes
off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he
hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.


He finds that the baby
has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes
to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her,
he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and see's his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the
little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all
about.'

The little boy replies, 'The prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the
Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and
the Future is in deep shit.'
 

broadsword

Brigadier
David Is To Be Returned To Italy

A bit of cultural news, for a welcome change.


Michaelangelo's David Before.jpg




After a two year loan to the United States,

Michelangelo's David is being returned to Italy.




Michaelangelo's David After.jpg




His Proud Sponsors are:

Michaelangelo's David Sponsors.jpg
 
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AssassinsMace

Lieutenant General
This is a street prank for the promotion of a horror movie.

[video=youtube;PUKMUZ4tlJg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUKMUZ4tlJg[/video]
 

broadsword

Brigadier
New law of NZ


*
*
---------WONDER WHY* WE HAD NOT INTERPRETED IT CORRECTLY BEFORE.!!!???


*
For those who haven't heard:*

New Zealand just passed both laws -*gay marriage and legalized marijuana.*

The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because

Leviticus 20:13 says, "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."*
*
We just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!
 
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